Grand Rising and Welcome! I have been absent for a few weeks as I needed a bit of time away to do some serious thinking about what I was doing, where I was going and what I ultimately wanted my life to look like. I have been struggling a lot lately with the questions of purpose, passion, what authenticity truly means and what all that looks like to me. Obviously, what that looks like and how to get there is completely unique to each person. The last few years, I have been attempting to start a business that focused on my passions. I worked hard at it in several different directions, however, the response of both others and my own personal motivation to it were, for lack of a better word, lackluster. I have spent a lot of time in the last few years upping my personal spirituality. Getting into alignment with who I really am. Not the ego personality attached to this reality and avatar but the true me. The one who is, neither my mind, nor my body but, the observer behind all of that.
This has required a certain level of dedication to personal spiritual development that I had not put in before. Shadow work, of which there was a lot. Unpacking emotions to find out the root causes. I felt like I was doing pretty good at it…and I was. Like everything in this life, it is cyclical and when the spiral came around this time, I came to the realization that the majority of pursuits I was pouring time into were literally physical constructs of deeper held limiting beliefs that I just did not agree with. Created from being raised by 2 very Type A workaholic parents, I realized that my drive to monetize my passions was really just still buying into the entire matrix system that just pisses me off because I don’t agree with any of the values it propagates on any level.
I decided to take a few weeks, spent in meditation and really examining the why of everything I was doing. I realized my less-than-stellar effort came from the belief that you need to have a certain level of material possessions in your life and live at some arbitrary, societally determined place of comfort to be considered successful. In direct contrast, me, myself personally, what I truly wanted in this life was to play with plants, be able to run through the forest, not have to look at a clock, a phone or a bank statement, to develop deep, abiding relationships with plants, animals, the earth and like-minded people. To be able to do art when I wanted, write whenever and on whatever I wanted, to meditate, to dance and just be a human being instead of a human doing. I am definitely not afraid of hard work but that work HAS to benefit that purpose.
The next step was to look at my life and see where my choices needed to change to reflect my personal values rather than what society was telling me was important. My biggest hang-up was a fears around security. My house is paid off so it is safe. It is mine. However, it definitely keeps me in my comfort zone and I truly believe that you cannot grow when you’re comfortable. I realized that I had this unnatural attachment to sentimental objects and other things that created a part of my ego/identity. I began purging. I purged about 90% of my stuff with plans to eliminate much more as I continue on this process. Family heirlooms I gave to other family members, or made arrangements to do so. I took digital photos of the rest and gave it all away. It is definitely still a work in progress but I feel like I have lost the weight of several lifetimes. I am in the process of liquidating everything I have collected so that I can soon live in a van or bus and just live. I hope to be able to use my gifts to help others get healthy, set up amazing food forests, learn to live independently from this fucked up system.
I cut out the thought process that to be successful or worthy, I had to be able to monetize my gifts. Fuck all that!! I want to share my gifts with the world and if that brings some form of energy exchange, so be it but I refuse to chase the almighty dollar. It’s basically worthless anyways.
In this process, I also realized that I had to my money where my mouth was with my health. I have made so many changes to my lifestyle for health reasons and all have been a very positive experience. As a smoker of 40 years, I have lost count of the number of failed attempts at quitting. This time I went cold turkey and after white knuckling it through the first week of physical withdrawal, I am feeling amazing and literally have no desire to smoke cigarettes ever again.
Not everything goes according to plan but even when it doesn’t, the Universe shows up for me in ways I never could have imagined. That in itself is magickal! I am learning to trust the universe, to focus on staying in alignment in my now, to raise my vibration by focusing on my feelings and not my attachment to outcomes or what the picture looks like. I know that if I pick the absolute highest vibrational thought I can, the Universe will wow me with options and possibilities. I love writing and I love the community we are building here. Expect more articles on spiritual stuff, travel, and all the little peeks at where this journey takes me because there is no destination……the destination is the journey and the journey NEVER ends because we are timeless and eternal!
I hope you have a great week!